There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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