"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
