apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
