As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
