He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
