I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
