he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
