First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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