Im at strip club and am horny
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
