We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize