These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
