Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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