4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
