i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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