Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize