Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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