Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
