I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
