mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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