i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize