just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
