just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
