we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
