i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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