we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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