its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
