you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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