Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
