my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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