i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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