I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
