wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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