Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
