i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
