I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
