it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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