Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
