She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
