Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
