I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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