She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
