Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
