I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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