Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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