He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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