it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
