what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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