so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
