Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
