I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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