Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
