you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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