I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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