Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
