shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
