THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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