I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
