So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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