I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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