My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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