Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
