I can tuck mytits in my pants
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
