i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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