so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
