i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
